So last night I did that brilliant thing where you lie in bed, wide-eyed and horrified, freaking out about your life. Why the hell is everything so much worse at night? It’s like this giant magnifying glass comes out and every lousy decision and gray hair and completely inappropriate comment you jokingly made to your friend’s husband about his pants is suddenly huge and insurmountable and most definitely going to ruin your life upon sunrise.
And then the sun comes up and you’re like, what? Oh that. Whatever. We got any corn flakes left?
The excellent thing about this morning was not only did we have cornflakes left, but apparently I had so exhausted myself last night that my brain was turned off completely and a beautiful, staggering idea was able to seep through my insanity and land on my head like a ton of golden bricks:
Why not just believe you can instead of doubt you can?
It sounds so simple, but it blew my tiny mind.
It’s just as easy to believe you can do something as it is to believe you can’t. So why not put all the time and energy you spend on doubting and worrying and justifying why you can’t into blindly blasting yourself forward into just doing it?
I mean, why the hell not? Doesn’t it just seem moronic to do anyting else?
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6 Comments
OK, I know you, but I’m going to make believe and respond as if I don’t, because you have revealed yourself to be rather wise in ways in which I was not aware. Most of the time I am a self-doubting, glass half empty sort of person. From a rational perspective, I shouldn’t be since I’m smartish and funny, and talented in more than one or two ways. I’m not hideous, but too often I feel as though I am. I just have a mind that doesn’t like me as much as other people do. Then my constant self-doubt gets to be burdensome for others.
Here’s the question (sort of): I realize that everyone has insecurities sometimes, but I have always held the belief that some people are simply gloomy and some are sunny. I’ve met people who have no money or talent or education or friends or any of the stuff we usually cling onto, but they are almost always sunny as soon as they open their eyes in the morning. Then there are those who are miserable no matter what blessings they might have been given. They can’t see the good or hear it. So here’s the deal… you have always seemed like a Sunny, and I wonder if that’s just the way it is: No matter how much therapy or self-help a Gloomy participates in, they will always, fundamentally stay a Gloomy. Whereas, no amount of misfortune or shitballs a Sunny gets flicked at them will ever truly break their spirit.
Is this a completely lame and ill-conceived theory? Most would say yes, but tell the truth, have you ever been a Gloomy? And do I really have the chance to become a Sunny before I pass from this sphere?
I totally agree with you “man person”. Some people have that optimistic unbreakable spirit – It can always be worse, attitude. Some who have a perceived ‘everything’ can be such miserable bastards. I have seen it some under privilege places of the world where one looks at a situation with pity and they look right back with contentment.
I absolutely love this post and experience it daily! I suspect it’s just plain exhaustion but also has to do with seratonin/melatonin levels at each time of the day. Glad to know I’m just as sane as you and that’s saying something. Thanks!
Oh Man Person, there’s nothing I hate more than being called wise (thank you very much) and then having to admit I have no idea how to answer your very excellent question. But I will try anyway. Here’s what I know: Sunnys have to work at it. There is no free lunch for anyone and while I definitely feel predisposed (and gratefully so) to half-full thoughts, skipping and bunnies, I have my fair share of the bleaks. All the time. And it can be an effort to remember to shift my perspective, which is honestly why I write about it constantly. I love trying to help other people, but I need to drill this stuff into my own head all the time too.
Here’s what I think: Gloomys can change if they want to. They may just have to work at it harder. Maybe they had crappier childhoods, negative role models, unrelenting attacks on their self-worth or were just born scowling…but I do believe humans are capable of doing anything they decide to do. They may just have to work at it real hard. Attitude is everything and you are in control of yours. Which means you can change it.
I’ve been trying to think of examples in my life where I’ve seen someone come over from the dark side, and I can only think of one, who, when faced with his own mortality in a mighty serious way, suddenly became Mr. Happypants.
I don’t know a whole lot about clinical depression, but if there’s a chemical imbalance involved, that’s a different story and perhaps it’s about drugs. But as far as shifting one’s perspective goes, I believe it can be done. It just may be easier for some than others.
As Yoda says: There is no try, only do.
You might find this interesting:
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/10/04/magazine/04anxiety-t.html?_r=1&ref=magazine
Apparently some of us are simply born anxious. Is that comforting? I doubt it.